Listen to your gut!

Ever had a sense of feeling of good or bad and then sooner or later it happened? Almost like you predicted it to happen without realising at the time..it's what we call our gut instinct.

I have had times where for some unknown reason, I have felt things then sooner or later it happens. An example of this was in the month of december, just gone boxing day and my sister and mum had an argument during christmas day. My sister was packing up her car and was ready to leave. She made out as if things were fine, i just assumed it was one of those arguments that would blow over, but when i hugged her, i found myself in tears. A scream was coming from inside of me telling her not to go, i felt like i wasn't going to see her again. A sense of loss. Things didn't feel right. A part of that was kind of true. After that things became worse between my mum and my sister. She didn't return home after that. I still see her, she comes and visits me, but my mum and sister haven't spoken since and it's been about 2 years.

Another example (but on a brighter note) was a time when i really liked this guy. I had met him on a website and we talked for about a year before we eventually met. He knew i liked him but he didn't seem interested. From the day i started talking to him, i got this feeling that we would end up together. It felt like fate. I just got out of a relationship and i was suffering from pain from it. He was experiencing the same. It was like, we were both there for each other. I really liked him, but he kept telling me to back off and to not like him. He told me he didn't like me in that way. No matter how many times i cried, i couldn't help but feel i had to hang on. No matter what he said, i could of easily moved on but i didn't. Sooner or later we eventually agreed to meet. Ever since the day we met, we got together instantly. I was glad to have listened to my gut! It gave me hope and a way to be strong and to know there was a rainbow at the end of the pain i was going through.

One important thing i have learn't about life and myself, is to follow your gut instinct. It leads the way and gives you guidance and a sense of direction. Almost prepares you for things to come.

Love.

I am at a stage in my life where i am unsure of a lot of things, and still don't really know who i am, but if there is one thing i know it's that i am here for love.
I am drawn to love, it's all i think about. I am so fascinated with different kinds of love and the way people react to it. Some people, like me, are drawn to love and are in great search to find it; others are too hurt or scared to find it or to come forward and admit to being in love. For me, It's a reason to live and a reason to die. It's something to believe in and something to hope for. It makes life so much sweeter.
I knew it was always something i was drawn too. I love getting tied up in the melody to "river flows in you" and listening to the meaningful lyrics to HIM.  I love the fight for love from Romeo and Juliet, a beautiful tragedy and a great example of living and dying for love.

In today's society, it seems to be more of a fashion statement and a word not caring for, when really it should be precious and so delicate that we should stamp a big permenant print saying "handle with care" all over it and wrap it in ribbons.

Love to me, is something that cannot be ignored and can't be forgotten about once found. It is always worth fighting for and will forever remain...even in a different world.

My life against time

I sometimes feel that im in a race against time. I appreciate my life so much that I don't want to waste a second of it. What im trying to say is really all related to career ideas. To me, your career represents the person who you are and it should be everything your based apon. The meaning of your life.
 So where does that take me?
I ask myself this everyday, but i just don't know what im destined to do.
I feel that i am here for a reason but i can't seem to find it...or am i just blind to it?

I love writing so much, but is that my destiny?

Right now, im at college, being surrounded by animals..which i love! I find it interesting and im content that im learning new things and how to care for animals. I dont feel that this is what im here to do though, no matter how much i love it.
I'm so unsure!
I feel that im growing up too much, i just want it to slow down. After college i shall be looking for a job...but then what? I don't want to be in a dead end job, one i hate so much that i dread going in.

I think i want to be a writer..but that's just it...i think it, it's not something where i feel its right, like something i instantly know its my destiny..i hate being unsure about things; it makes me feel unsure about myself!

It's like searching for your soul mate...you can have many lovers in your life, but there's only that one that you get that feeling too and that turns your world upside down. I hope that one day i find my meaning to this life.

Inspirations

I love life and I think the greatest things you can get out of life is 'inspire'. We all have our own lives but we all have one thing in common, we share the same home -Earth. Something we should do is to look for inspirations from the people we share our home with and to inspire others. We only live once so why not let your talent spread and infect to inspire others and let them do the same for you.

X-er-size

Last night, i did some serious thinking about my health. Ever since starting college, i have been eating extreamly unhealthy. Chips and fried breakfasts daily slurped down by fizzy pepsi. I looked at myself and thought, this isn't doing me any good. I need to take my health seriously. I'm starting to hate myself again. I like myself...which is an improvement to how i used to think of myself but how am i going to get to a stage from liking to loving?

The like is my personality, but what's holding me back is my weight. It is too far now. I need to change, for the better.

Last night, i took all the packets and bottles of junk and put them so far on top of my wardrobe in a spare cuboard, a place that I wouldn't be able to reach (being too small) and put on my trainers, took my ipod and off i went. I went for a 10-15 minute run to the co-op and back to college at about 9:30pm.
Running through the frostbite, running one step towards who i want to be and running away from who i am. Gaga singing to me, to help take my mind of the fact i was exercising!

Today, was extreamly hard..but I managed to avoid fatty foods. I had fruit for breakfast and toast. At lunch I avoided chips and went for tuna and cucumber sandwhich with a banana for afterwards. Then at dinner I had pasta with veg. I'm proud of today, even though it's the first day, i proved myself today I'm strong and can do it. I will achieve my goal.

Keep going mill! :)

18th Birthday!

So yesterday was my 18th. The most exhausting yet thrilling birthday of all.

I went to Drayton Manor with my close friend Jenny for the day. We got there about 10:15, and qued up quickly for Shockwave.
Walking around with "happy 18th birthday" badge on and my gaga bag.
It was extreamly hot, which is always good for a day out, and for that reason we had to go on the loggy about 2 times. First time we sat at the front and didn't get much wet, on the second time around we sat at the back and got fully drenched!
Well...we asked for it! haha!

Me & Jenny won 2 duckies, mine is a sailor ducky and jenny's was a mr cool ducky!

The day was full of excessive screaming, over loaded drinking & cool down ice creams.

A few hours after we got back we got all dolled up in dresses and make up, ready for a night out for a meal.

Friends & family joined together to celebrate my birthday.

My sister handed me a sparkly cup cake bag, as I searched through the over loaded sheets of colourful paper I found my present. A teddy bear. It had a white fluffy hat and bag and inside the bag was some keys.

It had attached to the keys a key ring saying "Melissa" then another key ring saying "the car".She had given me her old red K.A

I was so shocked and everything that evening was so over whelming that I cried!

My sister started welling up and we supported each other with a big hug! =]

My sister took me outside and showed me my car. It had a lovely pink ribbon round the roof. I got in and turned the engine on. Unfortunatly I couldn't drive as I already had been drinking.

Sitting there with my 18 balloon attached to the chair I was sitting in with all my friends and family surrounding me, it was the best place I ever could be.

Out of nowhere the waitresses and waitors came over holding a Lady Gaga cake saying "happy 18th birthday Melissa" with three candles lined across the top. They told me to shout out my name and it's my birthday, so on count to three I faced everyone in the resturant and shouted "My name is melissa  and it's my birthday!" then I blew my candles out and the waitresses started singing to me.

Me cutting the first piece of the cake!

It was a fantastic night and I would never change a thing about it. Being surrounded by the people who make my life worth living truly makes you thankful for having them there in your life.

Last Day Of 17

My last day of being 17. It's a "sunny de light" kinda day, I woke up this morning with a cold! A day before my birthday and I get a cold....that would happen wouldn't it!

It's scary. It only seems yesterday that I was celebrating my sister's 18th. I remember the family meal, the big suprises, the thought that my sister was growing up. And tomorrow that will be me.

Everyone says that your teenage years are the worst. For me it's the best!
It's the years to have addictions, to love, to idols, to hardcore partys and life.

The years to love everyone who you come across, to still be immature, to try out different looks of your appearence and to think over the top from what you want in life because you know your young enough to get away with it!

The years to stress and be moody way too much over the littleist things and blame it on "that time of the month"

It's the years to live before working 24/7.
The years to not take on TOO much responsiblity.

Right now I love life <3 :)